top of page



I have experienced the loss of many loved ones, a brother, sisters, father, and various friends and family members. I experienced the loss of many material things as well. But the loss of my spouse was the most painful loss I ever went through. I lost part of myself. My emotions were all over the place. I went through anger, guilt, confusion, I experienced shock, loneliness, even playing the blame game. One minute I was happy, the next I was sad and in tears. Although these are all normal reactions to the grieving process, I perceived that life as I had known it was over. I actually thought I would never smile again. The pain was so great. How would I ever make it through this most difficult time in my life?


Oh, the hurt was so great, but believe it or not, I am now smiling. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments, and I am sure that I will still have them through-out my life time. But right now, it feels so good to smile, it feels so good to laugh, to really laugh.


While I was going through, I researched the grief process online. I found the steps to grieving very helpful. Through prayer, I have re-grouped the process, including some steps of my own, by using traffic lights, which for me, made it easier to understand.


While there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain. You can get through it. You can be healed from the pain that you are feeling. If you obey the traffic lights, with the help of God, you can get to your destination of healing.
























At the caution light, we have lots of time. It seems we have to wait so long. We deal with so many emotions. They are all over the place and because we have so much time, and are standing idle, it seems we are tormented by anger (blame), bargaining, guilt and depression. It is during these times that


  • While waiting, reflect back on the life of the deceased. Think on the life you shared, the impact they had on your life. However, don’t try to make them bigger than life, be realistic


  • While waiting, don’t play the what if’s, woulda, coulda, shoulda game with yourself. Remember that even if you could do everything all over again, you can not alter God’s plan.


  • While waiting, even if you get angry, don’t allow it make you resort to sin. (retaliation, blasphemy, etc.)


  • While waiting, don’t allow depression to take control of your life. Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, lack of motivation and little or no self-esteem will consume you if you don’t get a grip on your emotional state. Keep busy, remember, an idle mind is the devils work shop.



  • While waiting, feed your mind. Read, pray, sing, absorb as much as you can during this period, however long this period is. Even if you don’t feel like it, do it anyway.  Don’t allow your mind to just wander around. To do so will cause what you know, what you have stored over the years, to disintegrate. Little by little your memory will be gone. You will no longer remember even the little things, especially those things that are most important to you. Study and prayer, if they are what are important to you, will not be your strongest desire. While waiting, you must fight for your sanity. Read, read, read ! Pray, pray, pray!  Sing, sing, sing !


  • While waiting, accept the fact that although we have lost our spouse, our parent, our child, our best friend, our home, our job (etc.) that life must go on. There is hope for a brighter day, hope for a better day.


Word helps forthe Caution light:

       Ephesians 4:26-Be ye angry, and sin not. Let not the sun go down on your wrath.


       Romans 12:19; ……Vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord.


       Nahum 1:7; The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust him.


       Psalms 34:19; Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivereth him of them all.


       Jeremiah 29:11 -13; For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not evil, to give          you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye              shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.


       Phillipians 2:5; Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.


       Isaiah 26:3; Thou will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.


       II Timothy 2:15; Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the          word of truth.


       I Thessalonians 5:17; Pray without ceasing.


       Psalm 16:1; Preserve me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust.


       Psalm 121:1-4; I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help comes from the Lord, which               made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved; he that keepeth  thee will not slumber nor sleep.

      The Lord is thy keeper; the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.   (Proceed to Green Light)


                                                                                                                          Dr. J. G. Johnson

                                                                                                                          Issues of Life Conquered



bottom of page